Category Archives: Parenting

The Fleeners and family worship (interview)

Recently, I answered some questions for William Chong’s blog regarding the practice of “family worship” in our home. This is part of a very helpful series he is doing, which I highly recommend.

You can find my contribution here.


Fear with Faith – Mr. Fearing from Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress

This evening we were reading the next portion of Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress (Part 2, Trials in the Valley of Humiliation).

I was particularly struck & encouraged by the account of Fearing. How though he feared, he feared the right things, and persevered in faith through his fears.

Here’s the full account…

Now, as they walked along together, the guide asked the old gentleman if he did not know one Mr. Fearing, that came on pilgrimage out of his parts.

Mr. Honest: Yes, very well, said he. He was a man that had the root of the matter in him; but he was one of the most troublesome pilgrims that ever I met with in all my days.

Mr. Great-Heart: I perceive you knew him, for you have given a very right character of him.

Mr. Honest: Knew him! I was a great companion of his; I was with him most an end; when he first began to think upon what would come upon us hereafter, I was with him.

Mr. Great-Heart: I was his guide from my Master’s house to the gates of the Celestial City.

Mr. Honest: Then you knew him to be a troublesome one.

Mr. Great-Heart: I did so; but I could very well bear it; for men of my calling are oftentimes intrusted with the conduct of such as he was.

Mr. Honest: Well then, pray let us hear a little of him, and how he managed himself under your conduct.

Mr. Great-Heart: Why, he was always afraid that he should come short of whither he had a desire to go. Every thing frightened him that he heard any body speak of, if it had but the least appearance of opposition in it. I heard that he lay roaring at the Slough of Despond for above a month together; nor durst he, for all he saw several go over before him, venture, though they many of them offered to lend him their hands. He would not go back again, neither. The Celestial City-he said he should die if he came not to it; and yet he was dejected at every difficulty, and stumbled at every straw that any body cast in his way. Well, after he had lain at the Slough of Despond a great while, as I have told you, one sunshiny morning, I do not know how, he ventured, and so got over; but when he was over, he would scarce believe it. He had, I think, a Slough of Despond in his mind, a slough that he carried every where with him, or else he could never have been as he was. So he came up to the gate, you know what I mean, that stands at the head of this way, and there also he stood a good while before he would venture to knock. When the gate was opened, he would give back, and give place to others, and say that he was not worthy. For, all he got before some to the gate, yet many of them went in before him. There the poor man would stand shaking and shrinking; I dare say it would have pitied one’s heart to have seen him. Nor would he go back again. At last he took the hammer that hanged on the gate, in his hand, and gave a small rap or two; then one opened to him, but he shrunk back as before. He that opened stepped out after him, and said, Thou trembling one, what wantest thou? With that he fell down to the ground. He that spoke to him wondered to see him so faint, so he said to him, Peace be to thee; up, for I have set open the door to thee; come in, for thou art blessed. With that he got up, and went in trembling; and when he was in, he was ashamed to show his face. Well, after he had been entertained there a while, as you know how the manner is, he was bid go on his way, and also told the way he should take. So he went on till he came out to our house; but as he behaved himself at the gate, so he did at my Master the Interpreter’s door. He lay there about in the cold a good while, before he would adventure to call; yet he would not go back: and the nights were long and cold then. Nay, he had a note of necessity in his bosom to my master to receive him, and grant him the comfort of his house, and also to allow him a stout and valiant conductor, because he was himself so chicken-hearted a man; and yet for all that he was afraid to call at the door. So he lay up and down thereabouts, till, poor man, he was almost starved; yea, so great was his dejection, that though he saw several others for knocking get in, yet he was afraid to venture. At last, I think I looked out of the window, and perceiving a man to be up and down about the door, I went out to him, and asked what he was: but, poor man, the water stood in his eyes; so I perceived what he wanted. I went therefore in, and told it in the house, and we showed the thing to our Lord: so he sent me out again, to entreat him to come in; but I dare say, I had hard work to do it. At last he came in; and I will say that for my Lord, he carried it wonderful lovingly to him. There were but a few good bits at the table, but some of it was laid upon his trencher. Then he presented the note; and my Lord looked thereon, and said his desire should be granted. So when he had been there a good while, he seemed to get some heart, and to be a little more comfortable. For my Master, you must know, is one of very tender bowels, especially to them that are afraid; wherefore he carried it so towards him as might tend most to his encouragement. Well, when he had had a sight of the things of the place, and was ready to take his journey to go to the city, my Lord, as he did to Christian before, gave him a bottle of spirits, and some comfortable things to eat. Thus we set forward, and I went before him; but the man was but of few words, only he would sigh aloud.

When we were come to where the three fellows were hanged, he said that he doubted that that would be his end also. Only he seemed glad when he saw the cross and the sepulchre. There I confess he desired to stay a little to look; and he seemed for a while after to be a little cheery. When he came to the Hill Difficulty, he made no stick at that, nor did he much fear the lions: for you must know, that his troubles were not about such things as these; his fear was about his acceptance at last.

I got him in at the house Beautiful, I think, before he was willing. Also, when he was in, I brought him acquainted with the damsels of the place; but he was ashamed to make himself much in company. He desired much to be alone; yet he always loved good talk, and often would get behind the screen to hear it. He also loved much to see ancient things, and to be pondering them in his mind. He told me afterward, that he loved to be in those two houses from which he came last, to wit, at the gate, and that of the Interpreter, but that he durst not be so bold as to ask.

When we went also from the house Beautiful, down the hill, into the Valley of Humiliation, he went down as well as ever I saw a man in my life; for he cared not how mean he was, so he might be happy at last. Yea, I think there was a kind of sympathy betwixt that Valley and him; for I never saw him better in all his pilgrimage than he was in that Valley.

Here he would lie down, embrace the ground, and kiss the very flowers that grew in this valley. Lam. 3:27-29. He would now be up every morning by break of day, tracing and walking to and fro in the valley.

But when he was come to the entrance of the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I thought I should have lost my man: not for that he had any inclination to go back; that he always abhorred; but he was ready to die for fear. Oh, the hobgoblins will have me! the hobgoblins will have me! cried he; and I could not beat him out of it. He made such a noise, and such an outcry here, that had they but heard him, it was enough to encourage them to come and fall upon us.

But this I took very great notice of, that this valley was as quiet when we went through it, as ever I knew it before or since. I suppose those enemies here had now a special check from our Lord, and a command not to meddle until Mr. Fearing had passed over it.

It would be too tedious to tell you of all; we will therefore only mention a passage or two more. When he was come to Vanity Fair, I thought he would have fought with all the men in the fair. I feared there we should have been both knocked on the head, so hot was he against their fooleries. Upon the Enchanted Ground he was very wakeful. But when he was come at the river where was no bridge, there again he was in a heavy case. Now, now, he said, he should be drowned forever, and so never see that face with comfort that he had come so many miles to behold.

And here also I took notice of what was very remarkable: the water of that river was lower at this time than ever I saw it in all my life; so he went over at last, not much above wetshod. When he was going up to the gate, I began to take leave of him, and to wish him a good reception above. So he said, I shall, I shall. Then parted we asunder, and I saw him no more.

Mr. Honest: Then it seems he was well at last?

Mr. Great-Heart: Yes, yes, I never had doubt about him. He was a man of a choice spirit, only he was always kept very low, and that made his life so burdensome to himself, and so troublesome to others. Psa. 88. He was, above many, tender of sin: he was so afraid of doing injuries to others, that he often would deny himself of that which was lawful, because he would not offend. Rom. 14:21; 1 Cor. 8:13.

Mr. Honest: But what should be the reason that such a good man should be all his days so much in the dark?

Mr. Great-Heart: There are two sorts of reasons for it. One is, the wise God will have it so: some must pipe, and some must weep. Matt. 11:16. Now Mr. Fearing was one that played upon the bass. He and his fellows sound the sackbut, whose notes are more doleful than the notes of other music are: though indeed, some say, the bass is the ground of music. And for my part, I care not at all for that profession which begins not in heaviness of mind. The first string that the musician usually touches is the bass, when he intends to put all in tune. God also plays upon this string first, when he sets the soul in tune for himself. Only there was the imperfection of Mr. Fearing; he could play upon no other music but this till towards his latter end.

[I make bold to talk thus metaphorically for the ripening of the wits of young readers, and because, in the book of Revelation, the saved are compared to a company of musicians, that play upon their trumpets and harps, and sing their songs before the throne.Rev. 5:8; 14:2,3.]

Mr. Honest: He was a very zealous man, as one may see by the relation you have given of him. Difficulties, lions, or Vanity Fair, he feared not at all; it was only sin, death, and hell, that were to him a terror, because he had some doubts about his interest in that celestial country.

Mr. Great-Heart: You say right; those were the things that were his troublers; and they, as you have well observed, arose from the weakness of his mind thereabout, not from weakness of spirit as to the practical part of a pilgrim’s life. I dare believe that, as the proverb is, he could have bit a firebrand, had it stood in his way; but the things with which he was oppressed, no man ever yet could shake off with ease.

Christiana: Then said Christiana, This relation of Mr. Fearing has done me good; I thought nobody had been like me. But I see there was some semblance betwixt this good man and me: only we differed in two things. His troubles were so great that they broke out; but mine I kept within. His also lay so hard upon him, they made him that he could not knock at the houses provided for entertainment; but my trouble was always such as made me knock the louder.

Mercy: If I might also speak my heart, I must say that something of him has also dwelt in me. For I have ever been more afraid of the lake, and the loss of a place in paradise, than I have been of the loss other things. O, thought I, may I have the happiness to have a habitation there! ‘Tis enough, though I part with all the world to win it.

Matthew: Then said Matthew, Fear was one thing that made me think that I was far from having that within me which accompanies salvation. But if it was so with such a good man as he, why may it not also go well with me?

James: No fears no grace, said James. Though there is not always grace where there is the fear of hell, yet, to be sure, there is no grace where there is no fear of God.

Mr. Great-Heart: Well said, James; thou hast hit the mark. For the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom; and to be sure, they that want the beginning have neither middle nor end. But we will here conclude our discourse of Mr. Fearing, after we have sent after him this farewell.

“Well, Master Fearing, thou didst fear
Thy God, and wast afraid
Of doing any thing, while here,
That would have thee betrayed.
And didst thou fear the lake and pit?
Would others do so too!
For, as for them that want thy wit,
They do themselves undo.”

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Posted by on 29/08/2013 in Books, Family, Gospel, Parenting


Happy Birthday Mekaela – 2013

IMG_1776Is it even possible that another year as gone by and my little girl is now 12?

I am responsible for planning an annual conference at our church and this year the dates landed the day of her birthday which has meant my being more distracted than I prefer today. This is the first time in her 12 years we haven’t been able to just “enjoy” birthday stuff. 🙂

Yet, we are enjoying the day and she is very excited about the conference and thinks it’s pretty cool that it is on her birthday.

This girl has been and continues to be a great joy to our family.

I know she’s my daughter and I lack any musical ability. However, I think she is one of the most talented young musicians I have known. She continues to advance well in piano, violin (having played this year with the Auckland Philharmonic Orchestra and the New Zealand Opera Company), and bassoon (participating in the Auckland Philharmonic Music Camp last January for both violin and bassoon).

Yet, far more important to her music ability is her growth in humility, sensitivity to the things of the Lord, and her keen desire to learn more of Christ.

I pray even this next year she will gain a deeper knowledge of the Gospel and firmer commitment to Christ. I pray she will grow in discernment and discretion as she becomes more aware of what it means to move from being a little girl to a young lady.

Proverbs 11:22 Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.

Related Posts:

Happy Birthday Mekaela (2012)

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Posted by on 16/08/2013 in Family, Fun, Parenting


A Tribute to My Mum upon Her Retirement

My Mum’s last day of regular, paid employment was yesterday. Her church family just threw her a retirement party and we just got off from a Skype/video call where we were able to join the party a bit.

These are the times when living on the other side of the world is challenging.

If I were to tell the story of my Mum’s pursuit of her degree and her faithful, dedicated work over these past 20+ years it would take a very long post and some of it you just wouldn’t believe.

I am very glad she has retired. We look forward to her visiting us next year for an extended stay.

I am also very proud of my Mum. She has set a wonderful example of hard, dedicated work for the glory of God and the good of her family.

Here is a brief video tribute I recorded which was shown at her party just before we Skyped in. (Trust me, my family has teased me relentlessly, telling my how boring and monotone I sound!)

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Posted by on 01/08/2013 in Family, Parenting


The Fleeners Participation in New Zealand Opera’s Noye’s Fludde (Noah’s Flood)

The New Zealand Opera Company is performing Benjamin Britten’s Noye’s Fludde (Noah’s Flood)

This is a professional opera performed by leading musicians and opera singers from New Zealand and beyond. However, Britten wrote the opera specifically to include children at varying levels of ability. There is a large children’s chorus along with children musicians (minimum practical, instrument grade 6 level) participating alongside the professionals. A tremendous opportunity for the children to learn in a high quality & fun environment.

We are thrilled to have our children involved in this. (As an extra bonus, Mandy will be playing double bass in the orchestra as well.)

Mekaela is in the orchestra on violin (she played last night in an unrelated event with the Auckland Philharmonic Orchestra in the Town Hall as well).

Gavin is an “animal leader” as part of the chorus and gets to play the part of the sun.

Tabitha is the youngest of the “animal leaders” (basically means attending more rehearsals and having the responsibility to lead a section of the chorus of animals, as many as 20 other children) and gets to play the part of the dove. (She gets to “fly out a window” and return an olive branch in her mouth to Noah!)

(Ok, so the title to this post is a bit of a stretch. I have no role in this at all, except that of 1st chair cheerleader!)

Their rehearsals have been going on now for two weeks with another week to go before the first performance. It has been a lot of hours and work, but heaps of fun and a real unique opportunity.


Here’s the best news… The performances are free! But you must still pre-book.

They are 5pm, Sunday July 7th in The Auckland Town Hall & 5pm, Sunday July 14th in West Auckland.

Noye’s Fludde (Noah’s Flood) sets to music a 15th century play telling the story of Noah being told by God to build an ark and fill the ark with animals.

To celebrate the centenary of the most celebrated British composer of the twentieth century, Benjamin Britten, New Zealand Opera is performing his much-loved opera, Noye’s Fludde (Noah’s Flood) with children from all around Auckland.

This one-act opera features soloists, a children’s chorus, orchestra, and you – singing along in three hymn-like settings.

Join the celebration of youth, community and opera.

Free admission, pre-booked tickets essential for entry!
Voluntary koha welcome.

To book seats, contact NZ Opera on 0800 NZOPERA (696737) or


The Influence of a Mother

I wrote this eight years ago, but stumbled into it today when looking for something else on my blog.

Much has changed in eight years. Those “little ones” mentioned aren’t so little any more. Beyond that, I am not sure I even knew where New Zealand was on a map & we didn’t have things like FaceBook, or smart phones, etc! 🙂

However, my assessment of the influence of a mother and my thankfulness and admiration for my wife has only grown!

I am so very thankful for the woman God gave me as a wife and for her role as the mother to our children!


Our Children Need to Know, Love, and to be Loved by Older, Godly Christians



My son with Tom. Tom turned 90 last year and went home to be with his Saviour last night. Gavin came to think the world of Tom. He admired him and loved talking with him. Tom never failed to turn any conversation he had with Gavin to Christ and the gospel. I was so very thankful for Gavin to know Tom. Gavin and I were planning to go visit Tom in hospital this afternoon. I am thankful I got to see him Tuesday afternoon when he was so lively, sharing the Gospel with the nurses and encouraging me in my love for Christ. Our children need to know, love & to be loved by older Christians. It hurts to see them pass into eternity, yet they learn much of Christ.

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